i am not sharing my lump crab

23 09 2008

So for about an hour I debated 1. should I go to bed… 2. should I watch tonight’s episode of the BEST. SHOW. EVER. aka Gossip Girl again and write a post about it.

Clearly one side won. Gee, I wonder why I’m not employed. It just boggles the mind.

D & S Two point… no? – omg I hope whoever thought of that gets a raise

The breakfast scene with the van der Woodsons was fab. But, Bart and Lily… romantic? I think I just threw up. “Were you expecting more people?” oh, Eric van der Woodson, you may only get one line an episode, but it’s always a damn good one. I also loved how Lily goes “So you two broke up, I didn’t even know you two were back together!” amen, Lily. WORD.

Jenny’s hair grew like 2 inches in a week. Right? I’m not crazy? Right? and WTF is up with Jenny’s voice? Did she go through puberty? It dropped like two octaves. I used to like Eleanor Waldorf. but now that she’s Jenny’s entire plot, it’s pretty sad.

I absolutely LOVE how right after Tory Burch flat girl says “I got them on sale?” Blair doesn’t even bother with an insult. She just stares. Brilliant.

Vanessa… what. are. you. wearing.

At first I thought Amanda was just Lindsay 2.0… (Remember Lindsay? She was the new girl, Ryan ran into her, Ryan started paying attention in school, Lindsay played the oboe, Lindsay turned out to be Ryan’s pseudo-mother’s half-sister?) why she even had the Lindsay irritating high-pitched voice down to a T! But then… and I TOTALLY did NOT see this coming, she turns out to be a Chuck Bass minion??!?! BRILLIANT!!! That’s WAY better than the Lindsay twist! And it all happened in one episode, too, none of this dragging crap out stuff.

But more about Amanda, WHERE did Chuck find this girl? She talks like she’s eight: “I don’t like bullies” AHAHAH What? Did she seriously just call Blair a “bully”? Who even uses that word? Blair ain’t a bully, honey, she’s a scheming manipulative psycho bitch.

A couple of reality checks here guys… 1. BLAIR AND VANESSA HAVE THE SAME PHONE? Please. That would never happen. And 2. did you guys check that phone Catherine had? Dude I think I had that phone, like 4 years ago. Isn’t she a duchess or something?
3. Oops… I was wrong, Blair got a new phone. Vanessa got her cast-off, apparently.

“Breakups are easy, it’s having to see them date someone else that’s hard! Why do you think I rub it in Chuck’s face every chance I get?”
-Blair Waldorf

Vanessa walking in on Catherine and the Lord was SO not as great Blair walking in on Nate and Catherine. Come on, Vanessa, at least give us one little “Oh my effing god.”

S – This is wrong.
B – Eating here? I know. But the Met steps are totally under construction.

I also love how at lunch Serena is all mad at Blair for treating Amanda like crap, and then Serena pulls out a five and tells Amanda to get herself a gelato like Serena’s the nanny and Amanda’s the petulant 3 year old. Smooth.

“Just so you know, if this were a competition, I wouldn’t need Blair and her posse to win” OH SNAP! I’m so excited for the return of the bitchy vdW that I might pee my pants! That scene at the end where she turns into freaking Regina George, AMAZING. I half expected her to take that lame-ass story Dan wrote right out of her bag, rip it to pieces in slow motion, and then nonchalantly toss the pathetic fragments across the courtyard. I mean, I love Blair Waldorf just as much as the next girl, but Serena was boring as hell last season and this looks to be her shot at greatness.

Chuck Bass…. that motherchucker. For one thing, waking up Serena with the flower is quite possibly the creepiest yet best thing ever. LOVES IT. Also… clearly Blair and Serena aren’t the only bitches on the playground. Chuck just gave Blair a run for her money. I underestimated him, though I don’t know why, since he’s Chuck Bass. That purple suit. OMG I love him. I mean, he carries around tiny bottles of Nair. Chuck Bass plays dirty, doesn’t he?

you know you love me,
xoxo

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