i am not sharing my lump crab

23 09 2008

So for about an hour I debated 1. should I go to bed… 2. should I watch tonight’s episode of the BEST. SHOW. EVER. aka Gossip Girl again and write a post about it.

Clearly one side won. Gee, I wonder why I’m not employed. It just boggles the mind.

D & S Two point… no? – omg I hope whoever thought of that gets a raise

The breakfast scene with the van der Woodsons was fab. But, Bart and Lily… romantic? I think I just threw up. “Were you expecting more people?” oh, Eric van der Woodson, you may only get one line an episode, but it’s always a damn good one. I also loved how Lily goes “So you two broke up, I didn’t even know you two were back together!” amen, Lily. WORD.

Jenny’s hair grew like 2 inches in a week. Right? I’m not crazy? Right? and WTF is up with Jenny’s voice? Did she go through puberty? It dropped like two octaves. I used to like Eleanor Waldorf. but now that she’s Jenny’s entire plot, it’s pretty sad.

I absolutely LOVE how right after Tory Burch flat girl says “I got them on sale?” Blair doesn’t even bother with an insult. She just stares. Brilliant.

Vanessa… what. are. you. wearing.

At first I thought Amanda was just Lindsay 2.0… (Remember Lindsay? She was the new girl, Ryan ran into her, Ryan started paying attention in school, Lindsay played the oboe, Lindsay turned out to be Ryan’s pseudo-mother’s half-sister?) why she even had the Lindsay irritating high-pitched voice down to a T! But then… and I TOTALLY did NOT see this coming, she turns out to be a Chuck Bass minion??!?! BRILLIANT!!! That’s WAY better than the Lindsay twist! And it all happened in one episode, too, none of this dragging crap out stuff.

But more about Amanda, WHERE did Chuck find this girl? She talks like she’s eight: “I don’t like bullies” AHAHAH What? Did she seriously just call Blair a “bully”? Who even uses that word? Blair ain’t a bully, honey, she’s a scheming manipulative psycho bitch.

A couple of reality checks here guys… 1. BLAIR AND VANESSA HAVE THE SAME PHONE? Please. That would never happen. And 2. did you guys check that phone Catherine had? Dude I think I had that phone, like 4 years ago. Isn’t she a duchess or something?
3. Oops… I was wrong, Blair got a new phone. Vanessa got her cast-off, apparently.

“Breakups are easy, it’s having to see them date someone else that’s hard! Why do you think I rub it in Chuck’s face every chance I get?”
-Blair Waldorf

Vanessa walking in on Catherine and the Lord was SO not as great Blair walking in on Nate and Catherine. Come on, Vanessa, at least give us one little “Oh my effing god.”

S – This is wrong.
B – Eating here? I know. But the Met steps are totally under construction.

I also love how at lunch Serena is all mad at Blair for treating Amanda like crap, and then Serena pulls out a five and tells Amanda to get herself a gelato like Serena’s the nanny and Amanda’s the petulant 3 year old. Smooth.

“Just so you know, if this were a competition, I wouldn’t need Blair and her posse to win” OH SNAP! I’m so excited for the return of the bitchy vdW that I might pee my pants! That scene at the end where she turns into freaking Regina George, AMAZING. I half expected her to take that lame-ass story Dan wrote right out of her bag, rip it to pieces in slow motion, and then nonchalantly toss the pathetic fragments across the courtyard. I mean, I love Blair Waldorf just as much as the next girl, but Serena was boring as hell last season and this looks to be her shot at greatness.

Chuck Bass…. that motherchucker. For one thing, waking up Serena with the flower is quite possibly the creepiest yet best thing ever. LOVES IT. Also… clearly Blair and Serena aren’t the only bitches on the playground. Chuck just gave Blair a run for her money. I underestimated him, though I don’t know why, since he’s Chuck Bass. That purple suit. OMG I love him. I mean, he carries around tiny bottles of Nair. Chuck Bass plays dirty, doesn’t he?

you know you love me,


breakout, let the party start

19 09 2008


1. So Yesterday I found this video:

I absolutely DIED laughing. It probably will not be funny at all to those of you not from Hawaii, but believe me, it’s hilarious.

2. On Wednesday, I went to Connecticut for the first time! I had driven through it before, but I decided it doesn’t really count unless you really DO something there. We ate dinner at Panera in Glastonbury, CT. That counts. It was delicious! I ate the Turkey Sierra sandwich and tomato soup. Panera is the best.

3. On Monday (or possibly Tuesday, depending on Amtrak prices) I am officially moving to the city. I will be moving in with a family friend in Brooklyn for about 3 weeks or until I find a real place to live. AHHHHHHHHH!

4. I still don’t have a job.

5. Girls Aloud > Pussycat Dolls
Why don’t I live in the UK? I’m thinking about making a music video to Can’t Speak French. I freaking love that song WAY too much.

regarding lauren conrad’s book deal

16 09 2008

Sarah Dessen wrote about it.
John Green wrote about it.

I’ve been waiting to see if Maureen Johnson writes about it, but lately she’s been very involved in writing about Bristol Palin.

So Lauren Conrad has a three book deal with HarperCollins. It’s going to be called L.A. Candy. I’m pretty sure the marketing and editorial team at HarperCollins does not read my blog, but please. Change the title. It sounds like a cheap make-up brand you’d buy at CVS.

So I assume people want to know how I feel about this. This took a very long time to wrap my head around, but I’ll try to explain myself as clearly as possible.

1. I Like The Hills
Now one of the things that I really hate about TV shows like The Hills is that I (as an educated person who is not 13 and/or a conniving, social climbing follower) am not allowed to like this show. We act as if we live in this Free Country where everyone has choices, but I’m not allowed to like this show unless it’s my “guilty pleasure.” That pisses me off a little bit. As if I’ve committed some sort of crime. I haven’t. And more than that… it IS possible for a person who watches The Hills to ALSO love to… omg… wait for it… READ. “I watch The Hills” is not synonymous with “I am an idiot who is basically illiterate.” Lauren Conrad seems like a nice person who is pretty intelligent (remember, she’s not the one dating Spencer Pratt). There is a possibility that these books could be interesting. Just because they are by Lauren Conrad doesn’t equal TRASH.

2. I Appreciate Excellent Marketing
I do. I really do. There’s a reason I find the Disney Channel so fascinating. The other day I saw GODIVA BREAKING DAWN DARK CHOCOLATE (can you handle the temptation?) in Barnes & Noble. I almost flat-out fainted with the brilliance of it. I LOVE chocolate! I BOUGHT Breaking Dawn! Perfect! Five stars for you, Little, Brown! These books are probably just more marketing of the Lauren Conrad product. I’m okay with that.

3. I Am Annoyed That It Was So Easy For Lauren To Get This Deal Because Of Who She Is
This happens all the time, mostly in music. You guys… CARLY PATTERSON (in case you have already forgotten who she was, she won the Individual Gymnastics Gold All Around in Athens. Basically, she was the Nastia Liukin of four years ago.) has an album. Now I get annoyed because it was TOO easy for them, but at LEAST they wanted to sing! At least this was a dream of theirs (however stupid of a dream… Sasha Cohen is ACTING, now, for heaven’s sake). Was this even a dream of Lauren’s? Maybe it was. If it was, than this is just as annoying as Leighton Meester working on an album and not more so.
If it wasn’t, than this is just MTV or HarperCollins trying to milk her brand, but doing it in a different way. I’m a little honored that they thought they could do it through a book series (are books the new fragrances?), but I don’t really know if they can. I don’t really know that this will sell well (and this is coming from someone who owns Nicole Richie’s “reality-fiction” The Truth About Diamonds). It is a little disheartening to people who really want to write and dream of writing, but I’m sure Scarlett Johansson’s (or Zooey Deschanel’s for that matter) record deal was depressing to struggling musicians. And Zooey Deschanel’s album turned out to be FANTASTIC. So you never know.

I like the attitude of Sarah Dessen’s post, and for the most part, think that John Green is trying to judge a book he has never read. I understand what he is saying, but I think that he assumes that there is no possible way this book could be redeeming in any way, simply because it is by Lauren Conrad and she is evil personified. That I don’t agree with.

To really judge the book, we’ll have to wait until the book comes out.

oh, and also… i kind of… moved

12 09 2008


So sorry for falling off the blogging train COMPLETELY. I apologize. It’s been a rough (and by rough I mean busy and not “rough” at all) 2 weeks. If you are DYING for some more of my wisdom and genius (albeit right now it’s slightly Twilight-centric), head on over to my youtube account for some fun times! I’ll bring cake.

THE FRIDAY FIVE! (I stole this idea from Sarah Dessen)

1. Sarah Palin: At first I was kind of wondering what on EARTH McCain was thinking, picking this random Alaskan chick. But now… I know the names of all of her children, the name of the city in Alaska she was the mayor of, and that she tried to fire a librarian 8 or so years ago. Joe Biden? I don’t know that I could pick him out of a line-up. So maybe she was a wise choice? Although I’m a little frightened of her. Like majorly frightened.

Are those her former enemies? Who is she, the White Witch of Narnia?

Are those her former enemies? Who is she, the White Witch of Narnia?


2. Gossip Girl: So good. My god I love Blair Waldorf. Nate is actually becoming an awesome character. He’s kind of funny. It’s a little absurd at times, but at least he’s not boring my mind out like DAN is. OMG Dan just shoot yourself. Please. Or get someone to run you off the road. I’m so sick of you. Rufus… wow. Get thee to a therapist, pronto. Cheer UP. LILY WHERE ARE YOU? Chuck. I love ya. Keep doing what you are doing.

3. Rhode Island: That’s where I am. In case you were wondering.

4. The KRISTINA MONDAY BOOK CLUB: So we found out on Monday that Kristina is halfway there and on book 26. Gah. I am still on book 23. Check the BOOK LIST link above (next to “home”) if you want to see all of the books I have read so far. Also, in the theme of books, I have an account on goodreads, so join and add me! It’s a great way to see what your friends and awesome people like Sarah Dessen are reading.

5. The room I am living in is a mess. Because of me. I need to tidy up so bad it’s ridiculous. Ugh. Anyway… two nights ago I had a dream I met Maureen Johnson (the YA author, not “of RENT”). I need to get a life.

as if i have something better to do

12 09 2008

AKA Live Blogging of the First (2-hour-long) Episode of ANTM cycle 11:

Okay this shit is two hours? What the hell? I’m just going to leave this window open and comment as I watch it.

1. SHEENA! She was who I was dying to talk about. Sheena. OMG.
2. The screams are so hilarious. I wonder if at any point in the show the Jays come out and the screams aren’t loud enough, so the producers tell them to do their entrance again.
3. I’m sorry. It is not EVERY girl’s dream to meet the Jays. They aren’t the Jonas Brothers.
4. There is a 2001 Space Odyssey fan here? Is she lost?
5. Is it scary that I’m seeing similarities between these girls’ competition attitudes and the general election?
6. 3 minutes and 30 seconds in and I’ve already heard the word “ghetto.” I’m excited.
7. Wait… this just registered… are they SERIOUSLY back in LA? This is a backwards step, Tyra.
8. Wait… Alaska girl is wearing a headband. BLAIR WALDORF POINTS! BLAIR WALDORF POINTS!
9. Okay the graphics are officially hilarious.
10. And “system overload”? That voice sounded like Tyra! OMG IS SHE GOING TO POP OUT?!?! Why are they screaming?
11. I KNEW IT.
12. “and I thought… Tyra’s so HOT!” okay “hot” was so not the word I would choose. She looks scary as hell.
13. Okay Sheena’s expression at “America’s Next Top Martian” was great. Who writes this stuff?
14. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA. Okay the beaming up. That was classic. I wish I was in the room when they told the girls to get out their acting chops and pretend they had disappeared.
15. Okay seriously… are they in a Dan Flavin exhibit or something?
17. Tyra, I don’t even know what’s up with your hair.
18. Marjorie’s outfit is made of win. Seriously.
19. First episode and Tyra’s already butchering a language!
20. “My French is good when I’m in France” HAHAHAHA I totally thought she was going to say “… when I’m drunk.”
21. Nude scene? Please. This isn’t Australia’s Next Top Model.
22. Okay Clark is reminding me of someone and I cannot figure out who it is.
23. Yeah, she really does look like Kimora Lee.
24. Okay… Harlem. SHE’S LIVED IN HARLEM FOR LIKE TWO YEARS! Why does everyone from Hawaii pretend they are from NY? Will that be me in 2 years?
25. I really don’t understand the rules for plus size modeling. She’s about as big as Sarah, no?
26. Okay why is everyone talking about ethnic/gender issues? That’s great but why is no one lap dancing? Why is no one rapping? Why is no one insane? Why are people acting like humans? That’s not why I watch this show.
27. LOVE the Alaskan paper girl! Her name is now Hannah Alaska (not Montana)! Too bad Sarah Palin wasn’t there to get rid of the rogue moose.
28. Okay… it’s no secret that I love accents. But did you know that I love southern accents? Okay I think you did, actually. I LOVE JOSLYN’S ACCENT!
29. KRISTIN CAVALLARI! Clark reminds me of Kristin Cavallari.
30. I was NOT going to go THAT red. Just for the record.
31. SUSAN HARVARD GIRL! ENGLISH MAJOR REPPP. wait.. what did she just say?
32. Okay… she didn’t pay attention in her LITERATURE classes at all? or she didn’t pay attention in her ENGLISH literature classes (because she preferred the American literature)? I can excuse the latter… discussing the Brontes for the 8th time can be hell, but the former?
33. Okay she just… blanked? These people should never go for interviews. I wouldn’t hire them.
34. 1. Sasha Pivovarova, 2. Gemma Ward, 3. Jessica Stam, 4. Caroline Trentini, 5. Lily Cole (COME ONNNN!!! PEOPLE)
35. Okay why did Tyra just give a speech? I mean, yeah, the girl’s an idiot, but… MORE DANCING… MORE HILARITY… LESS SERIOUSNESS.
36. Nikeysha has a Saleisha haircut… on purpose?
37. I haven’t read Call of the Wild or White Fang either. Has everyone else?
38. Sheena… class? They clearly haven’t seen the pictures of her go-go dancing.
39. Okay. I want to be Analeigh’s bff.
40. YES Marjorie. Black tights AGAIN! You are getting serious Summer points.
41. Okay… no putting the underwear on your face. Please. Never again.
42. HANNAH ALASKA! Yo, she’s awesome too.
43. Analeigh and Hannah Alaska were my favorite from the interviews! YAY!
45. Sheena is either going to be fantastic, or I’m going to want to punch her in the face.
47. She can’t go to her graduation? Woodland Hills is basically IN Los Angeles.
48. Okay the “14 lucky bitches” line… was great.
49. Why the shot of the snail? Why?
50. I am amazed at how much Isis looks like a woman body-wise. She must have had hormone shots? They haven’t talked about that. Either that or she was a tiny man.
51. When the elevator started moving behind McKey, that freaked the SHIT out of me.
52. Who said the butterfly line?
54. Paulina, I liked you better without bangs.
55. OMG Joslyn’s acting. I love her.
56. Ohhh Marjorie is so nervous!!! HAHAHA I do love how she ended with “you?”
58. HAHAHAHA Sam is kind of growing on me.
59. “It’s almost like you’re fightin’ for the environment!” Jay, I love you.
60. Ugh… making fun of Isis DURING HER SHOOT is very not cool.
61. “Am I really that hoochy? I need a mirror.” LOL
62. Please tell me Sharaun is gone.
65. Love the black widow/ red web, Paulina.
66. Dude, Elina photographs REALLY well.
67. Tyra, the headband is awesome, shut up. Hannah, I love Gossip Girl too!
68. Sheena is great.
69. Tyra in half red/ half blue. I kind of want to make that my background.
70. Okay I almost cried when Marjorie got her name called. She looked SO surprised!
71. Hey Sharaun, ain’t karma a bitch? We all know Clark is.
72. I just went to the wikipedia page for this cycle to see what they knew about the girls, and I found out where the international location is! Damn. Now I can’t guess!

Top 5
Analeigh, Hannah, Joslyn, Brittany, Marjorie